Chapter 21.
Bai Xunyin could definitely recognize her ‘boyfriend’s’ voice.
In the cold, damp winds of the frigid winter days leading up to New Year’s Eve, even a thick cotton coat couldn’t keep out the chill. Especially in the drafty corridors, the wind cut like a knife.
The cold gust brought Bai Xunyin’s frozen nerves back to life, making her realize where she was and what she had just heard.
In an instant, she quickly turned around and covered Amo's mouth.
Amo was already fuming with rage, her usually large, careful eyes, which avoided big expressions to prevent wrinkles, now wide open in shock and anger—completely different from her usual bright and energetic self.
After all, she had also heard what Yu Luoyin had said, and it was all nonsense.
Amo, don’t... Bai Xunyin looked at her, silently pleading: Don’t do this, please.
She didn’t want to make a sound and be discovered in such a humiliating situation.
Her glass-like eyes were full of shattered emotions, and even the fingers covering Amo's mouth were trembling slightly.
Countless thoughts flashed through Bai Xunyin’s mind—
‘What is Yu Luoyin saying? Why can’t I understand?’
‘Is he joking? Is the bet... about me? Did he treat our relationship as a bet?’
‘Then what does this time mean?’
...
Every inexplicable approach now had an explanation—it was all a premeditated plan on a whim.
So, all the sweetness and gentleness over the past few months were just a misunderstanding, a lie, a one-person show... Yu Luoyin had been clear-headed all along, but what kind of look and mindset did he have when he was with her?
Did he find her laughable, incredibly naive, and feel proud of making her fall for him and kiss him first?
Or did he turn around after dropping her off and, with a different facade, tell others: “Look at that little mute, how stupid she is? Fooled into the palm of my hand, totally deceived by me.”
Ha, she was indeed foolish.
Bai Xunyin realized that she never really knew Yu Luoyin.
A school idol, top student, seemingly lazy and carefree—underneath his gentle and refined exterior... what kind of heart did he have? Had she ever truly understood him?
She had thought too simply about him.
Suddenly, Bai Xunyin felt extreme panic.
She didn’t know how she managed to silently pull Amo away from that rundown teaching building, her soul feeling drained, leaving only an empty shell.
It’s nothing, it’s nothing, she just learned the truth, just woke up from a utopian dream, it’s nothing...
Bai Xunyin kept repeating this to herself in her mind, thinking she was acting normal—until she saw Amo crying.
Tears welled up uncontrollably in Amo’s big eyes as she clutched Bai Xunyin, her voice trembling, “Yinyin, you’re scaring me. Can you write me a message?”
Bai Xunyin was slightly stunned.
Scary? How was she scary?
Amo was overreacting, she was thinking too much, Bai Xunyin wasn’t scary at all. She smiled a little, not realizing her smile was more pitiful than crying.
[Amo.] Bai Xunyin took out her phone and typed a message to her: [Don’t tell anyone about this.]
[I want to handle it myself.]
High school seniors had a week off to rest and celebrate the New Year.
She wanted to use this week to calm down and play along with Yu Luoyin.
Now that Bai Xunyin knew why Yu Luoyin approached her and what he thought of her, it was her turn to see how Yu Luoyin would ‘perform.’
Or maybe, after saying those words, Yu Luoyin wouldn’t want to continue the act either.
So... when would he come over to break up with her?
Bai Xunyin, in an almost dazed state, walked home with these thoughts running through her mind.
She wore a dark gray wool coat, her thin, pale fingers exposed and reddened by the cold. When she knocked on the door at home, Ji Huiying, who opened it, was slightly startled—
“Yinyin, what’s wrong?” She quickly welcomed her in, looking at Bai Xunyin and softly asked, “Why do you look so lost? Is it because of your exam results?”
...
Bai Xunyin couldn’t help but feel a bit like laughing. She thought she was hiding her feelings well, but apparently, even Ji Huiying could tell something was wrong at a glance.
No, my exam results are actually quite good.
Mom, it’s something else that’s bothering me.
The words she wanted to say wouldn’t come out. Her voice seemed permanently unable to express her thoughts—complaints, joy, happiness, sorrow... she could only bottle them up inside.
Bai Xunyin’s eyes stung with unshed tears, but she still couldn’t express anything—she just took out her report card and handed it to Ji Huiying.
Under Ji Huiying’s slightly surprised gaze, Bai Xunyin turned and went to her room.
Once back in her private, enclosed space, her previously frozen expression finally showed a distinct crack.
She couldn’t take it anymore, she really couldn’t.
Her slender, frostbitten fingers slowly covered her face. Leaning against the door, she slowly squatted down, curling into a small ball like a baby seeking its mother’s protection.
She buried her face in her knees, her shoulders trembling slightly.
Like a wounded animal, even her sobs were silent.
It wasn’t until her phone, which had fallen to the ground, buzzed with a vibration that her small, pale face lifted from her knees. Bai Xunyin’s glassy eyes, shrouded in a mist, looked down at the screen and gradually cleared—
Yu Luoyin: [Did you go home by yourself? I couldn’t find you at school.]
In the small, silent room, Bai Xunyin’s face, illuminated by the screen, twisted into a mocking smile.
Her eyes, still moist from earlier, looked almost eerily strange.
[Yes.] Her stiff fingers typed, her soul feeling detached: [I went home first.]
Yu Luoyin replied quickly, almost complaining: [Why did you leave so fast? Can we meet before New Year’s?]
Bai Xunyin responded slowly, word by word: [Maybe not. My mom is taking me to my aunt’s house.]
In reality, because of her father’s illness and the snowballing debt their family faced, no relatives wanted to see them. She just couldn’t face Yu Luoyin; she was afraid she would break down if she saw him.
[When are you going?] Yu Luoyin kept sending messages—
[How many days? Won’t you be back for New Year’s Eve?]
[I’ll come to your house to find you. I haven’t given you your New Year’s gift yet.]
[Don’t come.] Bai Xunyin quickly stopped him.
There was a long pause with no reply, as if he was taken aback by her rebuff.
She stared mockingly at their chat window, thinking that this was the real Yu Luoyin.
In the past, whenever Yu Luoyin didn’t reply for a long time, Bai Xunyin would always worry if she had said something wrong and broken the flow of conversation, then she would send another message to smooth things over.
She had never considered that Yu Luoyin might be playing hard to get.
She was the only one, like a fool, constantly taking the bait.
But this time, she still broke the silence and sent another message—
[No need.] Bai Xunyin smiled slightly: [You’ve already given it to me.]
The ‘gift’ Yu Luoyin gave her was unforgettable.
It was a lesson, an awakening, something money couldn’t buy.
Uncontrollably, Bai Xunyin’s mind replayed the past few months, even small fragments from when she first met Yu Luoyin.
The slim figure of the boy helping her move a desk on a rainy day.
His lazy smile giving her 500 yuan at the amusement park.
The two of them ‘tutoring’ in the library.
And the ‘ambiguous’ evidence left all over the school.
...
Now, looking back, it all seemed like a joke.
But she still, damnably, felt moved.
Bai Xunyin suddenly remembered Christmas Day a month ago.
Because of her muteness and the machinations of Sheng Churan, Bai Xunyin wasn't well-liked at No. 3 High School. In her first year, she had Amu for company, but by her second year, she found herself completely alone.
They say pretty girls are treated well in a crowd, but if someone is both pretty and has a physical defect, she becomes the target of bullying, especially when there's someone instigating it.
Compassion is a luxury too costly to distribute widely.
Bai Xunyin remembered that during her second year, the school didn’t grant a holiday for Christmas. Everyone in the class was happily exchanging Christmas apples, while she was an outsider.
She knew no one would give her an apple, nor would anyone want one from her, so she hadn't prepared any. She sat isolated in a corner, her head buried in her workbook, ignoring the outside world.
But the principle of "leave others alone if they leave you alone" didn't apply. That day, the class was particularly 'relaxed' without a teacher present.
Sheng Churan walked over to Bai Xunyin with a mischievous glint in her big eyes.
"Bai Xunyin, you're really antisocial, aren't you? Not even exchanging apples with classmates on Christmas," Sheng Churan taunted, dimples showing as she smiled. Then, with a loud 'thud,' she slammed her recently gnawed apple core onto Bai Xunyin's desk—
"There you go." Sheng Churan said condescendingly, "Out of pity for a mute like you."
For an entire year in her second year, Sheng Churan constantly reminded everyone that Bai Xunyin was mute.
Why bother? Even if Sheng Churan didn't say it, Bai Xunyin knew it herself.
Bai Xunyin smiled indifferently, wrapped the apple core in a tissue, threw it away, and resumed her studies, seemingly unaffected.
But from then on, she developed a reluctance towards Christmas at school.
Yet, a month ago, on Christmas Day, once again without a holiday, the class was merrily exchanging apples.
The difference was that her desk had a pile of apples.
"I wasn't sure which kind you like," Yu Luoyin said quietly, leaning towards her from his seat behind hers in the noisy classroom, "so I bought them all—do you like Christmas apples?"
He had bought all sorts of apples.
Bai Xunyin turned her head slightly and saw the slender, handsome boy with a smile that seemed almost indulgent, looking at her.
At that moment, Bai Xunyin almost thought there were stars in Yu Luoyin’s eyes. How could such a boy... be so good at deceiving?
The trickster looked at her, seemingly sad, and asked, "Why didn't you prepare an apple for me? After I got you so many."
How could Yu Luoyin know that Christmas was a bad memory for Bai Xunyin?
He also didn’t know that from that Christmas onward, she suddenly felt the holiday was worth celebrating again.
But unfortunately... a trickster is still a trickster, incapable of becoming genuine.
Bai Xunyin snapped out of her reverie, her clear eyes now dry and red.
She stood up, her legs numb from squatting for too long, and nearly stumbled, catching herself on the nearby desk—her fingers brushed against the smooth plastic wrapping.
She turned her head and saw the colorful wrappers from the Christmas apples.
The apples couldn't last that long, but she couldn’t bear to throw away the wrappers.
A joke, it was all a joke.
These things she cherished might be mere 'toys' to Yu Luoyin.
Yu Luoyin was perhaps the most ruthless executioner, knowing exactly how to make a girl despair.
Bai Xunyin chuckled softly, sweeping the wrappers into the trash bin.
*
On New Year's Eve, Bai Xunyin stayed home.
Throughout the holiday, she declined all invitations, including Amu’s, and stayed at home, nursing her wounds.
On New Year's Eve, she helped Ji Huiying cook a few dishes, and the house, decorated with Spring Festival couplets and 'Fu' characters, barely had a trace of 'New Year' atmosphere.
"Yinyin, I feel like you’ve been through a lot lately. Is it because of the pressure of your senior year?" During dinner, Ji Huiying looked worriedly at Bai Xunyin's pale face, feeling that her daughter seemed even more exhausted since the holiday began.
Bai Xunyin smiled and shook her head, then pointed to the medicine box in the living room—indicating she just had a cold.
And that she had already taken medicine.
Many 'truths' wrapped in sweet lies are bitter and acrid when revealed, the bitterness seeping into the heart.
But what of it? Adolescents’ thoughts are volatile and unpredictable, and no one pays them any mind.
Heartache isn't something you can be hospitalized for; at most, it's just... a minor ailment.
To the outside world, it seems insignificant.
They say twenty-one days is enough to turn pain into habit, but Bai Xunyin took only three days to adapt.
Adapted to the feeling of returning from false brightness to real gloom, adapted to losing someone she never truly had... the ache.
Not only adapted but also ‘utilized’ it; after all, pain often teaches more than comfort, making one mature faster.
Bai Xunyin thought, a peculiar smile unknowingly forming on her lips.
"Don’t forget to take another dose of medicine tonight." Ji Huiying sighed, her head bowed as she ate. Despite her once elegant and intellectual youth, she now bore the nagging quality of middle age, repeatedly reminding Bai Xunyin until finally saying—
"Eat up. After dinner, we’ll visit your dad in the hospital."
On New Year's Eve, a day of family reunion nationwide, the three of them should 'reunite' too.
Hospitals have nurses on duty during all holidays because 'accidents' don’t take breaks.
Nurses, long inured to holidays, were indifferent. Seeing visitors on New Year's Eve was unsurprising; they registered them and let them in.
Unlike the cold, damp chill outside, the hospital maintained a comfortable temperature year-round with central heating—but Bai Xunyin felt a sudden chill as she entered Bai Hongsheng’s room.
It was as if her pores opened all at once, letting in the cold air.
She looked at her father, pale and emaciated, surviving on nutritional infusions, and her eyes instantly reddened. She bit her lip, holding back her tears.
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